The Regrets You'll Actually Have

When researchers study regret, a pattern emerges: in the short term, we tend to regret things we did. In the long term, we tend to regret things we didn't do. (This finding comes from psychologists Thomas Gilovich and Victoria Medvec, whose research on regret has been influential in decision science.)

The embarrassing thing you said last week stings now. In twenty years, you likely won't remember it. But the business you didn't start, the person you didn't ask out, the trip you didn't take—those often haunt you.

What does this mean for how you decide?

Why Inaction Regret Sticks

When you act and it goes wrong, you get information. You learn something. The outcome resolves the uncertainty.

When you don't act, you're left with "what if?" forever. The road not taken stays idealized in your imagination. You never find out it had its own problems.

Inaction regret has no closure. That's why it lasts.

The Implications

This isn't permission to be reckless. "I might regret not doing it" isn't a reason to ignore real risks.

But it is a reason to:

Take chances on things that matter to you. The thing you keep thinking about, the opportunity that scares you a little—this is where regret lives if you don't act.

Err toward action when stakes are manageable. For reversible decisions with limited downside, trying beats wondering.

Notice when you're avoiding. If you're constructing elaborate reasons not to do something you want to do, ask whether future-you will thank present-you for "staying safe."

The Exception

Some inaction is wise. Not pursuing things that conflict with your values. Not taking risks that threaten your core security. Not acting on impulses you'll genuinely regret.

The question isn't "always act." It's "what will I wish I had done, looking back?"

Sometimes the answer is "nothing." Often it's "more."

Playing It Forward

For any decision you're avoiding:

Imagine yourself at 80, looking back. Does present-you seem brave or cautious? Wise or fearful?

Will you be grateful for the security you maintained, or will you wonder what would have happened if you'd tried?

This perspective doesn't make decisions easy. But it clarifies what you might regret—and it's almost never the attempts that didn't work out.