Should I Get a Prenup? A Values-Based Decision Framework
You're engaged and considering a prenuptial agreement. Asking feels unromantic, even insulting—like you're planning for failure. But you've heard the horror stories about divorce. You're trying to reconcile protecting yourself with trusting your partner.
Key Takeaway
This decision is fundamentally about Financial Protection vs. Trust and Romance. Your choice will also impact your fairness.
The Core Values at Stake
This decision touches on several fundamental values that may be in tension with each other:
Financial Protection
Your desire to protect assets, inheritance, or business interests. Consider what you'd lose without legal protection.
Trust and Romance
Your concern that a prenup signals distrust. Consider whether addressing finances openly actually builds trust.
Fairness
Your desire for equitable treatment regardless of marriage outcome. Prenups can protect both parties.
Pragmatism
Your recognition that divorce happens and preparation isn't pessimism. Hoping for the best while preparing for the worst is wise.
Family Expectations
Pressure from family to protect assets or inheritance. Navigate between family interests and relationship dynamics.
5 Key Questions to Ask Yourself
Before making this decision, work through these questions honestly:
- 1What specifically am I trying to protect, and why is a prenup the best tool?
- 2How do I think my partner will react, and can our relationship handle this conversation?
- 3Am I asking because of genuine need or general anxiety about commitment?
- 4What does my partner have at stake, and is the prenup fair to both of us?
- 5How important is this to me—is it a requirement or a preference?
Key Considerations
As you weigh this decision, keep these important factors in mind:
Watch Out For: Optimism Bias
We believe our relationship is different and we won't need a prenup. But divorce rates exist for a reason, and even good marriages can end. Planning for unlikely outcomes isn't pessimism—it's prudent. People buy car insurance without expecting crashes; prenups work the same way.
Make This Decision With Clarity
Don't just guess. Use Dcider to calculate your alignment score and make decisions that truly reflect your values.
Download on the App StoreFrequently Asked Questions
Is asking for a prenup a red flag?
How do I bring up a prenup with my partner?
What should a prenup include?
Is a prenup worth it if I don't have much?
Related Decisions
Should I Move In Together?
Moving in together feels like the natural next step, but you're anxious about what it means for your relationship. You wonder if you're doing it for the right reasons or if cohabitation will reveal incompatibilities that dating concealed. The excitement of building a life together battles fear of the unknown.
Should I Have Kids?
The decision to become a parent is perhaps life's biggest choice. Societal expectations push one way, while practical concerns and personal uncertainty push another. You're trying to figure out if you genuinely want children or if you're just following the expected script.
Should I Hire a Financial Advisor?
Your finances are getting complicated—or you just don't want to deal with them yourself. But you've heard horror stories about bad advisors charging high fees for poor performance. You're trying to decide if professional help is worth it or if you should just DIY.
People Also Considered
Similar decisions in other areas of life:
Sources
- Marston, A. A. (1997). Planning for Love: The Politics of Prenuptial Agreements. Stanford Law Review.
- Atwood, B. A. (2012). Ten Years Later: Lingering Concerns About the Uniform Premarital Agreement Act. Journal of Legislation.