Should I Go to Couples Therapy? A Values-Based Decision Framework
Your relationship is struggling, and you're wondering if professional help could save it. But admitting you need therapy feels like failure, and you're not sure if your partner would agree or if therapy even works. Hope and skepticism war within you.
Key Takeaway
This decision is fundamentally about Relationship Investment vs. Honest Communication. Your choice will also impact your professional guidance.
The Core Values at Stake
This decision touches on several fundamental values that may be in tension with each other:
Relationship Investment
Your commitment to saving the relationship. Therapy requires both partners to invest time, money, and emotional energy.
Honest Communication
Your willingness to examine your role and hear difficult truths. Therapy exposes uncomfortable dynamics.
Professional Guidance
Your openness to outside help and expertise. Consider whether you've genuinely tried to solve this alone and failed.
Hope vs. Reality
Your assessment of whether the relationship can improve. Therapy works when both partners are committed; it can't force change.
Personal Growth
Your interest in growing as a partner, regardless of outcome. Therapy teaches skills valuable in any relationship.
5 Key Questions to Ask Yourself
Before making this decision, work through these questions honestly:
- 1Are we both genuinely committed to working on this relationship?
- 2What specific issues do I hope therapy will address?
- 3Am I willing to look at my own contributions to our problems?
- 4Is going to therapy a genuine effort to improve or a formality before leaving?
- 5What would success look like, and is it realistic?
Key Considerations
As you weigh this decision, keep these important factors in mind:
Watch Out For: Therapy as Magic Solution
We often hope therapy will fix things without requiring us to change. But therapists facilitate change; they don't create it. If you go expecting the therapist to fix your partner or validate that you're right, you'll be disappointed. Successful therapy requires both partners doing uncomfortable work.
Make This Decision With Clarity
Don't just guess. Use Dcider to calculate your alignment score and make decisions that truly reflect your values.
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Related Decisions
Should I End a Relationship?
You find yourself cycling through doubt—some days certain you should leave, others wondering if you're throwing away something valuable. The fear of making the wrong choice in either direction keeps you stuck. You wonder if relationships are supposed to be this hard, or if you're not trying hard enough.
Should I Break Up with My Partner?
You're considering ending a relationship, but the weight of the decision is crushing. You cycle between certainty and doubt, wondering if you're giving up too easily or staying too long. The fear of hurting them battles the fear of wasting more time.
Should I Start Therapy?
You've been thinking about therapy but can't decide if you really need it. Maybe things aren't bad enough. Maybe you should be able to handle this yourself. The stigma, cost, and vulnerability of opening up to a stranger all create resistance, even as you sense it might help.
People Also Considered
Similar decisions in other areas of life:
Sources
- Shadish, W. R., & Baldwin, S. A. (2003). Meta-analysis of MFT interventions. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.
- Lebow, J. L., et al. (2012). Research on the treatment of couple distress. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.